blog post #77

what im about to share is something rather personal. while this is a blog, obviously, its a little different from the journal that vie kept since 1999 (sheesh, 11 years already). being public, there is obviously an awareness that people may stumble across this. being the case, i do take SOME care in what i choose to say and how i say it.

“arms of an angel” by sarah mclachlan has always been a song that ive associated with my being in los angeles, and in hollywood. listening to the words…

spend all you time waiting, for that second chance.
for a break that would make it ok.
there’s always some reason to feel not good enough
and its hard at the end of the day.

thats the first little bit. now for me… i always envisioned la to be difficult. the whole acting thing, the cliches come from SOMEWHERE, and im already aware (though reminders come new and fresh every day), that this is a cut throat industry. if its not one shortcoming… its another. the way i see it, she’s singing from the voice of the few people who do believe in me. it’s the voice of the person of whatever protects me, metaphorically and literally. it helps me realize that as tough as things are, there’s nothing to be gained from staying still, feeling sorry for myself… and everything to be gained from focusing, trusting, and moving forward. thats the song for me. i guess at the end of the day, what something means to you is simply what you take away from it.

i make no complaints about what im doing here in la. in honesty… you hear the words “the best days of my life” thrown around a lot. but i have no doubts when i look back on 2009/2010 i will describe it as nothing short of the best and happiest days of my life.

r.