The self congratulator
STATUS UPDATE: “Jdawg is sipping cocktails in Bali.”
What they want to say: I’m on a rich, expensive, exotic holiday without a care in the world.
What we hear: Look at me, holy shit look at me! My life really is much more fabulous than yours.
The career show-off
STATUS UPDATE: “Taylor gets to interview Orlando Bloom!!! OMG!!!”.
What they want to say: Work is going really well! I’m so excited about this interview!
What we hear: Look how fucking awesome my job is while the rest of you are at your boring desk jobs!
STATUS UPDATE: “Ross has just updated his blog.”
What they want to say: Ross has just updated his blog.
What we hear: Ross is extremely, extremely dull. And has just updated his blog. Please visit it and make him feel awesome.
The shameless promoter
STATUS UPDATE: “Luke is looking forward to seeing you at his DJ night at Club Fool.”
What they want to say: Running a great night and it would be fun to see you there.
What we hear: Please, please come. Only three people turned up at the last night.
The vain one
STATUS UPDATE: “Stephanie says hello krispey kreme! Bye bye hips. :(“
What they want to say: I love eating and don’t care about my weight.
What we hear: Look at me, I’m thin, beautiful and can eat what I want. PLEASE compliment me. I have profile pictures on pages 1-33 of self posed pictures where I look immaculate.
The practical one
STATUS UPDATE: “Drew has lost his phone, let me know your number.”
What they want to say: I value all your friendships and want your numbers back so we can keep in touch.
What we hear: (this is the fourth phone you’ve lost this month) Finally, I might get my hands on Kate’s mobile number.
The angry one
STATUS UPDATE: “Alison: AAAAAHHHHHHHHRRRRRGGHHHH, I HATE MY LIFE”
What they want to say: I feel frustrated today — are you with me?
What we hear: I’m short-tempered and want you all to back off. Scary. Feel free to enquire and pad me with attention.
The emotionally fragile
STATUS UPDATE: “Tanya is feeling a little teary after the break-up but all’s good.”
What they want to say: Tanya is sad but is a really tough and will bounce back. I don’t need him.
What we hear: Tanya absolutely hates her ex and cannot stop crying. She needs him.
STATUS UPDATE: “Jeremy has had the weirdest experience.”
What they want to say: Jeremy’s life is a bit random and interesting.
What we hear: I have a story (that I think in interesting) and I need/want you to ask me about it.
STATUS UPDATE: “Marie is still feeling down. Sigh”
What they want to say: I’ve been feeling a bit low but don’t worry about me.
What we hear: I’m really quite needy and would like some attention from you.
I think also, and honorable mention should go to the douches (mostly male) who immediately break out of the woodwork upon seeing a girl they find attractive has recently become single. These sonsofbitches want to get on that so badly their boners often break through their desks, and are the ones who reply to the relationship status within 8 minutes of it being changed (7 and a half of which are spent waiting to make it seem like they didn’t reply right away) saying “hope you’re ok”, “aww, im sorry, let me know if you want to talk”, “you deserve better”, etc.
This is for all the people who’ve read someone’s updates… and just wanted to go outside and play with traffic. Bottom line? No one gives a shit what you think. If they did, they’d probably visit your blog.
fashion capitals of the world. the above places are known for their lavish sense of style.
i hate runyon canyon. the people that are running there are mostly douches. except me. you have the jocks with bodies that would make daniel craig want to hide away, chest bumping, high fiving each other, tossing footballs and yelling at each other. then you have the gorgeous women wearing glorified swimsuits; they are normally wearing less than their even hotter, younger counterparts. these girls wear make up and never go any faster than a mild walk so as not to break a sweat and ruin their look. then, there is also the occasional former barbie doll, tanned to the point of resembling a snakeskin rug.
but really. what pisses me off is that 81% of the people running on runyon canyon (i looked it up on google), arent there to work out. theyre there to show off and strut themselves. and so its really not healthy for anyone with any kind of insecurity or complex about looks. when im done working out, i just want to run home, smash every mirror in the house while i cry out about how ugly i am.
i mean. heaven forbid i might want to do runyon canyon for the sake of exercise. fuck. i hate runyon canyon.
i just want to start by saying that i dont hate old people. in fact, i feel sorry for old people. in that we as a society have not yet found a way to utilise them. that said, i dont like it when people who are less productive than me get in my way. like before, that whole group was just standing around while the bus got loaded on. so now i look like a fucking asshole for wanting to get past them. yet if the bus driver decides not to realise theyre actually trying to get on the bus and drive off, were left there holding our dicks waiting another 40 minutes for a bus.
and you know what else really pisses me off? when old people travel and taking their entire fucking house with them. youre 80 years old, you cant take every fucking thing with you. then again, its not just old people. others arent exempt from this. that bitch before with the four bags? what the fuck was she doing? four bags? they must have been 30-40lbs each. at least! and shes going to the hilton. so either she lives here, and doesnt need that much shit. or shes visiting, in which case she also doesnt need that much shit. i mean fuck.
but back to old people. they cost me 300 dollars a few weeks ago. 300 fuckings dollars. i drive through a crossing with no lights. and because theyre on the other side of the crossing barely moving, i get fined 300 bucks. there is no fucking way whatever they were doing crossing the road was worth 300 dollars. they probably just walked across the fucking road to jack off on the other side of the road. fucking dicks.
this probably isnt word for word. my memory is affected by how hard i was laughing at the time.
ps – im married now.
im living in an apartment with pretty open balcony areas. and you can overhear peoples conversations. i heard this little gem a minute ago.
girl with annoying voice #1: i fucking should have known.
girl with annoying voice #2: well you dont have fucking twitter. of course you didnt know he was seeing her.
something along those lines. perhaps i should go get fucking twitter.
i was thinking the other day (surprise surprise). i have a great teacher. but then again, i’ve had many wonderful acting teachers. and then i thought again, so have most actors. in fact, if you ask any actor about their acting teacher, theyll more than likely tell you that they have one (or perhaps two) that have just changed their lives. that have been so wonderful, and so challenging, and so brilliant, that its almost like a competition.
i am not exempt from this.
so what am i saying? well, acting is a funny thing. i do think that most actors will agree, that learning about acting, is very much parallel to learning about life, and about yourself. accepting yourself as an artist, and exploring yourself, who you are, what youre afraid of, and what you want. these are all things that i have found in my experience, to come hand in hand with the most important acting lessons. and doing these things, who wouldnt fall in love with a teacher who could guide them through these kind of challenges and thought processes?
another thing i noticed with myself… but i get the feeling a lot of actors think like this to a degree. once you have something that brilliant working for you; if someone else presents you with something new and different as an approach, there is something of a “well, im sure thats great, but i like what im doing” or “i might give that a quick courtesy look before going back to what i know” line of thought.
this isnt just for acting (it never is though is it?). when you present someone with something new, and they accept it and explore it, what does that mean? by accepting it, they are effectively accepting there is more to know. because there more there is to know, the less we know as a percentage right? by accepting, we are thereby accepting a state of insecurity. by denying (which is often a natural tendency), we effectively eliminate that insecurity, and possibility that we dont know everything.
acting teachers will often say that stepping through your fears is one of the most glorious things you can do. they also say that being open and accepting is a great gift. so its probably not coincidence that accepting and saying yes seems to remain congruent with the insecurity and fear that comes with not knowing.
i know very little. and thats ok.
i went to an audition today. it was at CAZT, which is an audition office on formosa in west hollywood. for the uninformed, auditions are often held in offices. casting directors don’t usually have their own offices to hold their auditions, so they normally hold them at appointment locations. these appointment locations usually have a sign in desk for a number of projects, and some seats outside a number of doors with actors signing in, then awaiting their turn. any actor who’s ever been in these offices knows there’s a tension in the room. there are always lots of “types” in the room.
there are the actors who have no idea what they’re doing. the kind who find the audition through word of mouth and turn up with a photo of themselves and have the sheet in their hands trying to remember the lines. then you have the cool cucumber who’s too cool to have this and instead sits back judging everyone else. this guy is normally found with ipod and headphones surgically attached. there is the calm, quiet, slow breathing actor. this is the one to watch out for… typically. then there are the kids… they are normally accompanied by parents shoving them into the entertainment industry. i’m yet to see one kid happy to be there, or even aware of what’s going on. i don’t care what you’ve heard. they don’t want to be in the audition office. it’s like being dragged to the bank with your mum when you’re a kid. only instead of waiting for your mum to be done with stuff, you get thrust into a surprise visit to the dentist instead.
then… there’s the sexy girl. there are ALWAYS projects casting as many hot, young, sexy girls as possible. now… waiting in a casting office where there are nothing but hot girls in an office is interesting. because EVERYONE from the aforementioned office (except maybe the kids), gets distracted and turns the place into a speed dating site.
not me though.
i had my own issues to go through. i’ll make it quick, but it went down like this. the audition was for a tiny piece in a tiny student kind of film. something to do with anime (shut up… i take what my agent sends me). anyway… wow this is hard to type. i won’t make excuses. i went in unprepared, and made a bit of a dick of myself. the monologue i was supposed to memorise… i do hate that word… just went out the window when they put the camera on me. for some reason lately, i’ve been on a bit of a high cloud. after pushing myself so hard for the last four odd months, and then steppenwolf, i had this idea that the momentum was enough to get me through everything.
bottom line? none of ANYTHING that i’ve done over the past year amounts to anything if i don’t have my bag together.
i’m disappointed in the way i approached my audition today, but i’m glad i learned this early on.
athena – “your lip stick stains”
kane – NO! ross?
ross – listen to the song.
kane – did i ever say my lipstick stays? *sigh*
ross – this conversation is pointless.
kane – FUCK. WHO CARES!
athena – we were singing this in taco bell as we were throwing our trash away.
sorry for wasting your time readers.
(the song was train – hey soul sister)