i work graveyards at the mondrian hotel on sunset blvd, home of skybar… a hotspot for hollywood nightlife. for the most part, i work 11pm-7am, and it’s a pretty good gig. i take up the occasional bag, chat to the human traffic that comes in and out of the hotel and bar, and get taxis for drunks and earlybird businessmen and women.
it’s the best job i’ve ever had in my life, because the truth of it is, i’ve never had a higher ratio of work/effort:money. ever. i work with cool people, and i keep my days free for my acting career. i suppose the only downside is that i have to fit in my sleep schedule in there somewhere. typically i go home and sleep from 7-11am, do what i need to do during the day, ideally fit in another 5pm-9pm nap, and that makes up my eight hours of sleep a day.
tonight though, after three months of smooth sailing there was a bit of trouble. as a bellman, i’m stationed by the front entrance of the hotel, and while not security, i do act as an extra set of eyes and ears for the security team whom i’m close friends with. it’s always useful to have an extra set of eyes in the hotel to watch for drunks, hookers, drug dealers, potentially dangerous situations and the like.
anyway, a group of six french girls were leaving the hotel as it cleared out tonight around 2am. five of them left in two cabs, leaving the last girl behind. naturally i struck up a friendly conversation and checked to see if she needed a cab home. she nodded and smiled, and i hailed her a cab. as i walked back to grab her, i saw that she’d been surrounded by a group of about five men asking her to “join them in their car”. i walked through the group and took her by the hand and asked her:
“would you like the cab, or are you with these gentlemen?”
she gave me a quick shake of the head, and i took her away. as i did so, one of the men grabbed her by the wrist to try and keep her. as i took her to the cab, i offered my card and was about to close the door when the guy behind me tried to slide in between the door and the taxi.
“let me have your number, just give me your number…” he slurred.
i gently but firmly pushed him out of the way, and sent the girl on her way home. as the taxi drove off, he puts his hands on my collar and starts raising his voice at me. i suppose no one likes being cock blocked.
i dunno. i just don’t like people putting their hands on me. it just pisses me off. it took everything i had not to punch the guy, but i grabbed his hand, gave it back and told him to back off. i gotta tell you though, there was a side of me that almost wanted trouble. just a small side. in all honesty, i don’t really feel like being fired nor do i want to get jumped. but maybe that’s where i’m at. after a long tiring day, and just having a crappy week, there’s just something inside me that… i dunno.
i keep saying that. i dunno. but i do. in hindsight, i was probably a tad slow to call security. the group of men left soon after, but not before yelling and spitting at me as i left. it didn’t sit well with me. i suppose that’s why i’m writing this down.
anyway, that’s a night at the mondrian. i think i’m going to get back into kung fu… just for a hobby. i miss having that art in my life. more art and peace in my life, and less of this volatile anger. it may just get me in trouble if i don’t find a balance. i’m not sure what i’m lacking lately, but i need to do something about my life instead of waiting because i think i’m OWED something. no one cares what you’re owed. if you want something, you’re going to have to trial and error until you get it.
1. that i will be single for the first time since being in hollywood.
2. of where my career is right now.
i sat here for a while wondering what it was that i wanted to write. i had a number of things i could have done instead of writing in this blog… but i knew this was important. i gave myself a few days to just do whatever i desired (no surprise a lot of them were exactly what you’re supposed to NOT do after you break up), and now i want to continue on. time is so precious.
argh. i want to stop typing. but it’s like… this fear is almost tangible. slowing my fingers on the keyboard. lagging my thoughts from my brain.
i started feeling alone as i cleaned up my apartment before work today. the sun slowly went down, and i didn’t turn any lights on as i put dishes away from when clay had come over a few nights ago. i’ve been alone before. i’ve asked to be alone before.
i’m starting to realise something as i type this. i’m a single guy in hollywood. i’ve just had a wonderful relationship with a WONDERFUL girl. i’ve learned and grown in the last four years. and i’m suddenly keen again to really go after my career again. what’s to complain about? who in the fuck died? cheer up man!
i started this entry looking with fear of two things. i ended it realising there was nothing to fear. i’m only 30. 30!!! i just started my 30’s! i only get to do this once, so why not go out and hit the fucking ball??!?!
today, people reached their ultimate dream. some people fell in love, and some out of love. some people had a revelation about their life. some people made a change.
all this stuff is going on. and if we focus on too much of tomorrow, we miss it. and never get it back.
let tomorrow be tomorrow. be here right now and move forward.
my four year anniversary of being in los angeles is coming up on the 25th of august this month. it’s pretty wonderful. i sit here typing before i go to work and i reflect a little.
as a 26 year old, i arrived in hollywood… fresh and adventurous. with every turn, there was something new to discover. someone new to meet. something new to be learned. and lots of lots of unexpected twists and turns. and i loved all of it.
looking back through my journal entries, it makes me a little sad to realise a lot of the entries have gotten negative and morose. i didn’t notice it happening. like a glass pane that’s freshly cleaned, and slowly over time gets tainted until one day you look at it, and just… holy crap. i suppose it’s all the more surprising because i carried around the attitude that brought me so much fortune (at least from my career’s perspective) the whole way. i assumed it would be enough.
i’m just realising now i don’t really need to change anything drastic. i just need to make a few minor adjustments and as always keep doing what i’m doing.
i suppose i just want to bring that positivity back. i want to have fun again. i want to find my sense of discovery again. i want to rely on me to drive myself forward. and i’d like to write in this more than i have been.
text. remember that thing? oh right yes. get out.