Cheeseburger in hand. I sit on a quiet road with the Hollywood sign on my direct left. Architecture that represents what I have now made my career. And a view of the city on the right. The city in which I have made my home.
As I drove up I noticed a few things. It was there, but it wasn’t lit up. I had to keep driving. I saw other drivers get lost and go home. I knew it was there. I knew I was going in the right direction. But I kept thinking about heading home. There’s no point. It’s late… Excuses for what?
I spoke with my brother today. I miss him and my family. I’ve been gone nearly four years. I’ve had a lot of joy. I’m supposed to be here. It feels wonderful.
On a day where I grew as a film actor, auditioned for a guest star role on a new pilot tv show… I was also waiting for a call from my agent about an avail for McDonald’s… (That’s actor talk for producers narrowing down a pool of hundreds of actors to two or so people… They put you on avail and make a final decision. It’s the closest you can get to a job without booking it… Torturous.)
I may not book anything. But I know I’m getting better. I’m getting closer. And fear is building. I must be on the right track. It’s only a matter of time. And there’s no turning back.
I’m living what I dreamed all those years ago. Auditioning. Calling my agent. Learning about my art. Growing. Finding my feet.
I’d go for a drive and sit alone and think of the future. Cheeseburger in hand.
when the wright brothers first took to the skies in 1903, they were the pioneers of flight. the world looked upon them for the future of aviation. and they paved the way for future generations to continue their work. that said though, in 2013, few engineers will be basing their blueprints on the work they did. that doesn’t mean the origins aren’t important. they just aren’t as relevant with the progression of technology, economics, and practicality.
similarly, i meet so many actors and acting schools who go on and on about how their training is “stanislavski based”, and “stella adler did this”, and “lee strassberg is the greatest thing since”… etc. sure that’s fine. but now in 2013, what kind of actor are you trying to be? i live and work in hollywood. i want to do tv and film. so i do classes that work specifically for film. i want to be a great film actor. so i go to class in north hollywood at the Actors Workshop with RJ adams (this is not a plug)… but the guy knows nothing about theatre. he’s only ever done film. that’s all he knows.
bruce lee said keep what is useful and discard what is not. i agree.
am i saying that all that theatre training is a waste of time? ABSOLUTELY not. i look at my training, and there’s method, there’s meisner, improv, viewpoints, and film stuff among others. what i am saying, is that when picking where to go and what to study, go somewhere that’s relevant to what you want to do. also, whatever class you’re in… is the BEST FUCKING class in the world at that moment. take this attitude in. you’ll get more out of your investment.
i’ll close with a little anecdote. i went for an audition for mcdonalds last week, where we went in groups of three. while waiting to go in, we were small talking about what else was going on for the day. when i mentioned that i had to duck back to acting class, they both scoffed at the thought. “why would you bother?”, “no one has any answers”, “everyone finds their own way”, “no one can teach you to act.”
each to their own i say. no ones going to tell tiger woods how to play golf. he still has a coach. michael jordan, roger federer, lionel messi… all have coaches. if you’re really here to be a pro, you’re going to do it with or without a coach… but with a coach, you’ll get there a whole lot faster.
i got the callback for mcdonalds this morning. it went well. fingers crossed. the other two dudes were not there.
have at it kids.
you turn up. no matter what.
you put in a full shift. no matter what.
you get paid. no matter what.
it’s routine. no matter what.
it’s funny. all of these part time and full time jobs we so often complain about teach us lessons in being professional that are usually overlooked. if we approached our “hobbies” in the way we routinely approach our “boring 9-5’s”… we suddenly become more than an artist with a little hobby. we become a professional.
today i worked hard on my disciple and put in a full shift. and it felt different. and tough. and shitty. and weird. and so it should. if it didn’t, then i’d be doing exactly what i was doing before.
wow 2013. you came early…. no wait you’re actually… on… time.
i’m here in my living room the morning after a great nye party. the first i’ve ever hosted i suppose. after three years, i’ve finally celebrated a nye in a home. i’m cleaning up, and packing away the christmas tree and for some reason i started to get a little reflective. it’s been a landmark year for me… really. and i’ve had such a good fucking time with it all. i’ve truly felt the growth.
and as i got thinking, i decided to write a little note for myself so that i can find it when i take everything out to decorate again. i wonder how things will turn out for 2013?
i don’t know why i do things like that. like i need to freeze moments in time. good times in my life. it’s almost as if i fear what comes next. wondering if the best times of my life are gone. “well then i better hold onto these ones as best as i can”… or “you’ll never get it better than this”… just a parrot that whispers fears to me.
was getting a quiet energy from the girlfriend before. hmmm. i’ll keep cleaning up.
man… i mentioned this to alex the other night when i spoke to her. but there is this fear in me building. i haven’t had this in a while. and it’s a wonderful gift.