i feel something huge happening. i’ve been here before, but it never makes it less scary. it’s like being on a rollercoaster every time. i’m at the dip…. the train slowly starts ascending. it feels like it ascends forever. there’s time to take in the view… and sometimes there’s enough time to reflect on what’s going on… is this a good idea? fear starts rising. as it gets closer, i realise it’s business time and i need to buckle in… and normally only JUST in time.
and this is where i am. i’ve felt this change these few months. no longer stale and stinging from hurt, i feel as though i’ve been galvanised into action. i can’t say by what… but i’ve been spending a lot of time reconnecting with people, and helping as many people as i can. i share the best of my life, with as many people as i can. i do it in the hope that it inspires the next person to do the same. it’s just what i do now.
i’ve been challenging myself with my fears. sometimes i win. sometimes i lose. but im not hiding from any of them. i strive to use my fears as a compass to guide me to things i need to address in my life. i mean, you want to get better at what you’re doing right? you want to be doing it better, faster, and stronger every time.
im doing jiujitsu now. it’s funny how we sometimes know exactly what we need. ive always been drawn to martial arts; but after just a few weeks of training i realised why it was so appealing to me. the respect, the tradition, the discipline. suddenly i have people around me who are driven, have focus, understand respect and tradition, are humble, etc.
dating is an interesting thing. im meeting lots of different wonderful girls. i find myself looking at things differently these days though. i have to be myself now… it’s just too much effort to put up facades. so anyone i meet has to see me for who i am… no more diluting it. and funnily enough, i’m attracting a different type of woman. still scary though. but i figure that never goes away, so im learning to relax and breathe a bit. 😉
remember how i surprised my mum a few years ago for christmas?
(https://youtu.be/cTNMUO6ddUg holy hell its got 130k views mum!)
this time i’m surprising my nieces rosie and aria when they go to hong kong in september! i can’t wait to see them. recently i’ve begun to realise how long i’ve been gone. for me, it’s just been a few years… but for them it’s been huge parts of their childhood. i don’t want to be that uncle they never knew because he was always away working. i listened to rosie play her saxophone the other night. she makes me very proud.
i remember when i met my mentor alexandra billings back in 2010. i was so lost and scared. was i really going to stay in america and pursue an acting career? i’ll never forget what it was like to have someone listen to me the way she did. the way she taught me to now. then she sent me out into the world. i’ve had a lot of conversations with a lot of friends lately. a lot of friends in low places. struggling. fighting. i draw these people in… there’s something about my energy that draws them in. i remind them of their worth. i remind them of their unlimited potential. i remind them of their spirit. and i send them back into the world.
it’s the corniest thing. im treating people exactly as id want to be treated, even when it’s hard.
i’m ready for whatever’s next.