played a round of golf with jarren today. clay’s off in europe for a few weeks. he’s a good guy, i’m glad we’re hanging out more lately. competing with him really gives me something.
tried to put together a plan for my “career” but couldn’t bring myself out of procrastination mode and went to the hot tub instead.
i watched some youtube videos and came across my favourites. fail videos. people doing stupid things. standard stuff. but as i watched them, i started seeing some familiar scenes. guys charging around dorm rooms with mattresses… i used to do that. jumping off balconies to pools… that too. now i look at it, and just think “oh fuck… why???”.
and then there are videos of people in different countries doing things for the first time. really living and being happy. and then here i am seemingly waiting for a golden ticket. i mean really, how hard have i been working this last twelve months? not very.
but now, just as i start to question how much fun i’m having here… my motivation seems to be coming back almost by itself. it’s almost as though i’ve recently realised that i don’t have all of my youth to just explore the world anymore.
i feel like i’ve discovered a new fear.