roxy… and other stuff.

got off work early at 4am and was excited to get some extra sleep…

but came home to find roxy more eager than usual to play. so i stayed up for an hour. just me and roxy time. i swear you can tell she’s having the time of her life.

i’ve been thinking about my dad a lot. i really got lucky in the mum and dad department. sometimes i start to wonder about being a dad… i’d do a good job.

greg’s coming on monday. holy shit. when was the last time i was really excited to see someone?? i actually have shit planned to do.

hanging out with clay and jarren lately. good people. the kind of cool friends i imagined i’d meet in america. sometimes i forget i’m the foreign guy in the group. that’s weird.

told mum i thought it’d be nice to speak to her once a week. set up a regular time just for us to catch up. major brownie points with dad. they don’t seem to get that it’s as much for me as it is for mum and dad 😉

i’m feeling more focused lately. i’ve needed it. motivated and challenged. i don’t know where it’s come from, but i know i can do better than what i’m doing now.

oop… roxy needs to sleep.

r.

parrots.

i’ve spoken about parrots before. those things that sit on your shoulder and yell in your ear. those things that yell everything ever negative ever said to you… all the time.

and i’m finding they’re stifling me. when you listen to them, or even when you pay them enough attention to where you’re distracted by them… they consume you.

there are important things that need to be taken care of. top of the list, should be getting an agent again. but i find myself so dismayed by hollywood these days. i look at my facebook feed, and i’m just swamped by people who seem to have nothing left to sell except for lies about how great they look, how busy they are with their glittering careers, the celebrities they’re hanging out with, and how happy and at peace they are.

i see people laughing and in love and i feel like telling them to go fuck themselves. i see people coming to hollywood and learning things i was excited to learn when i first arrived. and i just want to tell them it fucking sucks. people here are so fucking shitty.

meanwhile for me, i feel so frustrated and frozen in place that for the first time, i’ve started wondering about what it’d be like to go home for a few months, perhaps a year… then come back.

i’ve lost of a lot of joy in being here in hollywood. fuck this place, and most of the people in it. and while i’m bitching, fuck social media. this culture of flakey, fake, armchair critic, etc… it’s fucked.

i suppose i wish i had someone to help me out when i get like this.

r.