so… a dude walks into the clothes store where im working at the moment, and he’s got no arms.
rick – “wonder if he gets much money when he begs…”
r – “id give him some change if i had any on me.”
rick – “so… you wouldnt be concerned about him injecting heroin, or crystal meth?”
r – “well he’s not going to inject them into his fucking arms now is he?”
so i have a job now. at least for a little while. i went into the thrift store by the school the other day to return the costume i used to dance in my 1920’s charleston (pictures are up on facebook, and i fucking rock) and i start a conversation with the guy behind the counter. turns out they’re closing in two weeks, and need a few extra hands around the place… i say sure, and ive been working for him ever since. that was yesterday.
oh i had a wendy’s burger. strike off another place of my fast food chains to visit list. not bad. nothing special. but they do use square paddies. clearly for novelty value only.
i feel the need to go out and buy more cheese snacks.
so often you hear people say “i’m doing this so i can show blah blah blah wrong”. it seems a shame you’ve not a better reason to do something beyond something external of yourself and your drive.
you see people being nice to others solely so they can get something out of it…
theres people who act like they care so deeply about how everyone else feels… but really they just want to come across to everyone else as caring and mature (they normally end up looking retarded)
and people who screw act one way to avoid the truth, pretending their problems are so unique and so deep. when really, everyone has baggage… it’s just more fun to act as though your some kind of superhero sacrificing yourself for the good of others.
paranormal activity was boring. i almost fell asleep. and when i wasnt sleeping, i was laughing.
0039: watching “casino royale”
0045: went to ralphs to get strawberry ice cream
0100: returned and ate first cup of ice cream
0122: ate second cup of ice cream
0421: ate third cup of ice cream and checked email
in all my journey in acting, i’ve always valued warmth as a characteristic above all that makes a performance. not just in a character, but in an actor too.
there are some actors ive been working with lately, (i dont name names… i just bitch them out on my blog…). but when you sit in a position of self righteousness, and look condescendingly on others (and this is objective mind you)… it’s difficult to be a warm character. to look down on others in a class where a feeling of an ENSEMBLE is trying to be built… isolates you immediately. acting is a team activity, and when one person puts their own career above all, and does only that which is self serving you lose that one critical thing. warmth. you can only feign it.
there’s nothing worse or more difficult to watch than a cold actress/person, trying to feign warmth. it just seems so ingenuine and makes for awful, awful viewing. self indulgence springs to mind.
if ed harris can find the warmth in an army general who holds a city hostage, and daniel day lewis can find warmth in a selfish, oil chasing millionaire… there’s a lesson to be learned. the warmth is there. you just have to find it. to be cold is to be weak and choose the negative choice.
310am. so naturally its going to be one of those shittier entries. ollie, direct your attention here.
so i’ve been thinking. im not working hard enough. i remember when i was working for coke about 6 months ago. i was constantly saying that when i got to LA, id focus on my acting and my career. i feel like im letting myself down a little by not working as hard at my craft as id wanted. awareness in itself isnt enough.
ever since i was a little kid, i always got year after year… “ross is not working to his full potential” in my report cards. im not sure what im getting at. i just feel im capable of a lot more than ive shown since i landed in LA. i think about how pissed off i got driving that fucking car around for coke. bitching and moaning about how i wanted to act. and now im here, and im still not “in the game” properly.
im a little scattered. im tired as hell and just felt compelled to write in my journal and blog. why am i keeping both? oh right, the journal ive kept for ten years. holy shit.
its six weeks in. i can do better than this. i drove myself so hard before i got here, and i can (with the resources here in LA) do some exceptional work and become a great actor.
but first i need some clean underwear.
so yeah, it’s raining in LA. apparently this never happens. remarkably similar to when it rains in sydney. it gets cloudy, and dark, and water falls from the sky.
im feeling a little sick in the throat. fuck.
acting… the more i learn, the more it feels im losing my creativity, and im hitting a wall which is hindering my progress in a big way. i was told this was a stage of learning. so im not panicking yet. still though, being in the stage “aware that you’re lacking particular skills, and consciously working on it” is a strange stage.
in other news, chris launched his “LA WEEKLY” app for iphone. it’s already had 600 downloads, so feel free to whore it up some more. i have no doubts this will launch him to the glory he so richly deserves. i personally am rooting for it, because if chris has cash, I HAVE A FUCKING PLACE TO SLEEP! woo! but seriously…
and the actual company…