if you’re not happy with what’s going on, then do something different. it’s fairly simple. your current situation cannot change if you continue doing what you’re doing.
the problem is, it’s easy to fall back into patterns, because they are the default. you have to consciously remind yourself… what do i usually do? then do something different.
in australia before i left, i was getting so frustrated with working at cocacola, i couldve torn the walls down. the smugness of these 9-5 middle management assholes who acted like they ran the world just drove me insane. but really, it wasn’t them who bothered me. it was the fact that i allowed myself to be in that situation. then i broke free and came to hollywood and it felt wonderful.
now i’m at 1800-dentist. it’s exactly the same shit. and while they are wonderful in allowing me to work in tandem with my schedule, it’s still 40 hours a week i have to surround myself with that torrid working atmostphere. and it’s infecting my art. the reason i’m here. i’ve suddenly inadvertently recreated my situation. what a bitch.
so i have to again do the scary thing. and soon. how can i be this actor when i’m surrounding myself with people away from my industry? of course it’s going to piss me off. i didn’t come here for this, and i need to remind myself of that every paycheque.
SO. here’s what i’m going to do. rather than wait for new years resolutions, i have a list of things i want to work on. feel free to bug me.
– im moving to runyon canyon at the start of next month… someone help me throw a housewarming.
– being near runyon, i want to actually use it to get EXERCISE (that foreign thing) happening… training buddies?
– take up alex’s recommendation of teaching viewpoints… i’ve been backing away from that long enough
– increasing use of social media (because who doesn’t want to hear about my meals on twitter? FOLLOW ME https://twitter.com/rossle83)… and an overdue website.
start there. happy three years to me. someone told me a little while ago (and i’d heard similar when i moved here), that it takes three years in LA for actors to get an idea of how things work, but they often leave before that. navigating this town can be dangerous. sharks, vultures, and the occasional dragon are always out to get you.
oh, and i’m going on holiday to san francisco for four days this week. my first holiday in three years.
When I was younger I had a mixed Maltese terrier named Jasper. My ultimate pet. Every kid should have a dog growing up. And I was lucky enough to have had Jasper in my life.
Sometimes while playing with him, I would toss him multiple tennis balls. I used to think it hilarious to watch him drop one ball to chase another. Or try to get both.
But really, how am I different? “Well…You can’t have everything.” people tell me. Jasper, realizing that or not, would never give up.
A dog that never gave up. Never settled. And fought. For something as simple as a ball.
It’s only funny now because I realize how much I could learn from him.
Go get that tennis ball Jasper. I’ll do the same.
where’s this guy been? no not heath ledger. he’s dead. i meant this light funny guy? ha, heath ledger was not light or funny. or maybe he was. i don’t know. all i know is that tonight, ME, as in ross… got back to how things were before acting meant everything to me. before it got so fucking heavy and serious. before everyone else’s opinions, and journeys affected mine so harshly.
a guy dropping his beer at ralph. a woman named jessa from room 213 and then a black dude named rob from 203 as i came home. just people i’d have ignored before. oh right, being social and making friends. you know that fun thing that humans do from time to time to stop themselves from being with their own thoughts (we drive ourselves crazy, did you know that? or maybe it’s me). i haven’t done that in a while. i’m an actor. head down, shut up, work. a chore. when did this become such a burden? when did i become that? only i’m putting this pressure on myself. sure i can still want to do something, without it being my life while still being a priority.
i need to go back to lightening up. like when i was with jonathan. i miss the guy. cept he’s a cock at keeping in touch. there’s a sore wound there. i want to say well fuck him. but really, it’s just how things are at the moment. so, so be it.
that was fun. tonight was fun. that guy’s still there. i think that guy needs to do some of the auditioning for me.
you know on another note i was thinking. you know that buddhist (?) train of thought where by all the answers lie in yourself? we are all one kind of thing? the things we want in each other, are actually what we want in ourselves? that’s starting to click for me. say for example, there have been times when i’ve wanted friends of be tidier. it’s really only because i want that of myself. when i’ve wanted someone to be more understanding, it’s because i want that of myself. bizzare huh?
letting go. it’s not a coincidence that my martial arts always told me that before you can hit the hardest, you need to let go of everything holding you back. you can’t drive with the parking brake on.
or at least you shouldn’t.
my rats are all over me.