i’ve always been the kind of person who likes to look back with nostalgia. i keep photos, and i keep journals. i wouldn’t say i’m a hoarder, but if you snoop around enough, you’ll see keepsakes from all periods of my life everywhere. i suppose as i’ve gotten older, i’ve gotten better at letting go of things. moving forward into the future, you want to be light and agile. take only what you must as you embark on the unknown right?
i looked back through a lot of photos today. all the ones i’ve taken since being in LA. i’ve made a lot of great memories. it puts a warmth in my heart to see that i’ve done ok here in hollywood. maybe even better than ok. mistakes have been made, and triumphs have been had. but now i feel like it’s time to move forward. and to move faster towards that thing. Steppenwolf. i hear it calling me. i really do, and i’m going back.
Lina Maria. ok, real quick… actually… i’ll save it for later. i skyped mum, and she noticed i was smiling. like REALLY smiling. and because she noticed it, i noticed it. and i realised it’d been a while since i’d smiled like that. it’s been a while since i’d been really excited about meeting a person (especially a woman).
my confidence is coming back. and i feel good about life again. i think eric was right. spending two weeks with Q dogsitting really helped me find some peace. i’ve started to realise that i’d developed some inaccurate beliefs about me and my identity, and it was making me feel like shit.
speaking of shit, gotta run. i probably won’t finish this later.
I get into work last night around 11pm as usual… (an absolute miracle as I’d just had my car towed), and Dan pulls me aside with an urgency that just threw me off.
“There’s a BANGING hot chick in a red dress that came in asking for you bro! She’s looking for you.”
“She was BANGIN’ man!”
“Well. Shit. Ok. Um… What’d she say?”
“CUPCAKES!! The girl who baked you cupcakes.”
“Oh God. Oh crap. What was her name!?”
Let me tell you. I don’t remember her name. But I remember she’s got this infectious “positive energy, everything great” vibe. She’s studying law, and bakes a good cupcake. Oh, and she’s got attitude. And obviously, just… a stunning woman.
Naturally, I psych myself out of it as I go about my business. Little fantasies of talking to her in my head disappearing in a montage of bags, people, Blake Griffin, cigarette smoke and cheap tippers.
It’s 145am, and Skybar is just about to start clearing out. I’m over by the door letting guests out when in the corner of my eye I just see this red dress that just arrests my attention. You know the type. The woman that just makes you do a double take, and hold your breath a little. Eeeesh.
I’m looking at her when our eyes catch… Is that…? Did she…?
She comes bombing over towards me and throws her arms around me and plants a kiss on my cheek.
We exchange pleasantries, but she soon turns to busting my chops for “never thanking her for the cupcakes she baked for me.” Schoolboy error. I tell her I lost her number (I don’t even remember getting it), but am more concerned I don’t even remember her beautiful gorgeous name. Seriously man, fuck…
She takes my phone and puts her number in… To find it’s already in there. Under Lina. UNDER LINA!! HER NAME IS LINA!
SAVED! (There’s no way she’ll ever read this)
She tells me she doesn’t get out as much as she’d like, and that law school is taking up all her time. She seems a little sad, and for some reason not since Steppenwolf have I tuned in to listen to someone. Not like that at least. I liked just listening to her, and perhaps it was her bubbly demeanor juxtaposed with her seemingly somber words. We chat a little longer before she goes to the valet to get home. Before she does, I check in and make sure she’s good to drive.
The next morning, it’s out of sight and mind. Kinda like a pleasant dream interlude in between me getting my car out of impound. Great… 400 bucks. I’ll admit though, it’s a lot easier to accept with Q around. He’s a great dog. That and thinking of Lina is cool too. Why’d I psych myself out last night? Well, I’m a little wounded… And being that kind of gorgeous is intimidating. I suppose there’s a side of me that’s feeling like just a bellman lately. Like I’m less than what I am. I’m the guy who followed his heart to Hollywood because I wanted to make something of my life. Something special.
Yeah. I could offer something to someone. But the next girl. Yeah… The next girl. Lina was the eye opener. Great. And then… A text from Lina.
“Thank you for being concerned about me. I really appreciate it.”
Dan put it very simply.
“Ask her to dinner Romeo.”