i got dropped by my agent of three years today. i thought i’d be more upset by it. but i’m not. in fact quite the opposite.
i have a flu at the moment. it’s the flu from hell. and yeah i had my brand new car scratched. and no one’s going to take responsibility for it. and sure i got jumped by a group of thugs on new years eve.
but for some reason the self pity phase passed quickly. and instead i just found myself getting angry. and hungry. how many slaps in the face does life have to give you before you fight back? if you don’t defend yourself it’s going to run you over.
if this is all you have. FUCK YOU AND COME AT ME AGAIN.
i took down my wall of acting achievements. i don’t need some shrine validating me and reminding me that i’m supposed to be here. and i need to destroy this parrot inside me that’s been growing this last year driving me to become something i’m not. i’ll have a new agent by my birthday. i’m free to start again and learn from my mistakes. and i’m hungry again.
ps – and thanks mckenna for being the most positive, reliable, shining light, and best friend anyone could ask for when dealing with this stuff. i got your back too.
2014 is teaching me a fast, no-bullshit, crash course lesson. in getting the fuck up, and getting on with things. i’ve been messed with in my body, my mind, my heart, my career, and we’re barely two weeks into the year.
i was going to sit here and list all my grievances… but then i realised it was ironic i was going to waste time bitching and moaning.
i did want to say that because of the flow of the year i’ve realised that you can’t let things faze you. at all. it slows you down from where you’re supposed to be going. the “missed chances” and the “failures” are simply the checkpoints on the way to your success.
seriously, i’ve had so much crap this year already i HAVE to be closer to the good stuff. so i’m not fazed… it’s coming. 🙂