i had a panic attack night before last. that’s never happened.
i didn’t want to post anything on facebook because everyone could see it. unlike here. i don’t think anyone reads this. perhaps it’s going back to what it used to be. a place for my more private thoughts, instead of some kind of source of entertainment for the outside as it was becoming.
right. i’ve got my senses back enough to go about my regular routine, but things still feel off. i’m having visions of my panic attack, and it’s scary. i had one night of no sleep. and i’m hoping that’s just a one off. i don’t feel particularly stable, but like when the attack hit, my muscle memory helped me through the stages. “don’t look down” kinda thing.
fuck. what’s the matter with me? i need to get a grip.
i remember something. right. when i was in dan’s car, i could remember everything about my past perfectly. australia. that was all clear. but everything in Hollywood seemed a blur. i think that’s what’s causing my anxiety. i know i’m where i’m supposed to be, but suddenly…
shake this off. i’m so glad i have tomorrow off.
I used to sit and stare out in wonder as I worked at Sydney airport. I spent my working week time sleeping, eating and ducking my boss from Coca Cola. No one ever checked the airport. So I’d park there and eat in my company car and watch planes take off and land. I wondered what it’d be like in Hollywood. It seemed so far away.
I recently moved back to Hollywood after being away from the city for a while. I ran Runyon canyon again or the first time in a long time. And I watched this as the sun set.
I’m excited about things again. I didn’t have to go home. I finally feel like I have one here now.
i booked my first national commercial, and it’s with verizon. i’m moving into a new apartment in hollywood. i’m looking to teach viewpoints. i’ve switched to part time for my job at 1800dentist. i for the first time in forever have free time.
this is all good fucking news.
and i just realised something. i’ve been wanting to get more regular with exercise. and now that i have free time i want to catch up with the friends i’ve not had the time to see recently.
INVITE THEM TO DO RUNYON!
my new goal is to book more film and television roles. co-stars and guest stars and the like.